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Windmills on green field


We see this time and time again. A hot issue arises, a partner may be feel blamed or hurt, someone becomes defensive and before you know it, yelling, name calling, and frustration ensues. Almost all couples argue, however the trick is to use arguments constructively rather than destructively. By starting out with the following tips, you can keep arguments calmer and actually walk away feeling like some progress has been made.

  • Refrain from using superlatives such as ALWAYS, NEVER, CONSTANTLY, FOREVER

  • Stay focused on the present issue at hand

  • Let your partner know which body sensations are coming up for you (butterflies in stomach, heat in face, shaking in hands, lump in throat, rapid breathing)

  • Stay open, curious, and nonjudgemental about your partner's point of view

  • No name calling or eye rolling

  • If you aren't getting anywhere, take a break and agree upon a time within 48 hours to readdress the topic

To learn more tools for constructive arguing that are tailored to the unique needs of your relationship, contact me at 720-432-8875.

Arguing Productively: Resources
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